Didn't know it was such an ordeal for you Well I wouldn't want to tire you out, maybe I should figure out some other way to handle it. If I can't you can't it's half YOUR fault I can't
Now now, let's not go that far. I'm more than equipped to handle it.
[Despite her playful half-threat of drinking, she'd made a beeline to her quarters (too ostentatious and big for one person, but she'd long since stopped arguing with Avad about it) to fulfill Zero's demand.]
If I'm remembering right... YOU asked me very specifically to give the device that extra detail. We could go without the toy altogether, if that's what you're saying.
[The picture, when it does come, is without bells and whistles — just Aloy lounged back on a fancy bed sans her armor and tunic, a bright and out-of-place shape in the low, warm oil lamplight. She's been traveling often lately and has a leaner look from weeks of being on the road, but otherwise is no worse for wear.]
don't put words in my mouth I'm just sayin own up to your jizz I also didn't ask Just said it would've been hot if Alana happened that way :/
[ and to Aloy's self deprecation and the picture she sends: ]
I'm going to suck you dry. You're going to look ten years older when I'm done with you.
[ classic zero, a come on and a threat all in one go.
She disappears for some time after. It is in part putting Alana to bed.
But the other thing that takes up her time comes in the way of a video an hour and a half later.
Zero is dressed only in the loose slip she wears to bed, shiny white silk, the sorts of pajamas usually only worn by Carja nobles. The straps are pulled down, breasts spilling over top. In the time Aloy has been gone it's become easier to recognize the signs of their little discovery- her breasts are larger, full, her face is rounder too.
There's a full view of her hand working between her thighs, a raw image of the act contrasting her otherwise coquettish look. She finishes with a shudder and quiet, melodic sigh. ]
I am taking responsibility. Just saying it takes two to
[a delay follows Zero's mingled threat and promise. In the privacy of her room, she rubs at her forehead, allowing her embarrassment and excitement both to pass over her before she deems herself able to respond.]
make a baby.
[She always feels like she can never quite keep up with Zero's brazenness, but Zero seemed not to mind either, so... as always, she tries her best.]
Is that a threat or a promise? Can barely wait either way - are you trying to drive me crazy?
The video is a surprise, and she watches it twice before she can manage to respond, this time through audio. Her voice is a little hoarse, unsteady.]
I thought I was supposed to be giving you a gift, not the other way around.
You're beautiful. I wish I was the one touching you right now — wouldn't stop until you begged me to.
Tell me what you were thinking of. [She has an idea, but:] I want to hear you say it.
[Heedless to how eager she sounds until the last minute, Aloy's response is immediate.] I can keep up — you can be as needy as you want. Don't I always take care of you?
[Her breath catches at Zero's rare use of her name and the low note of suggestion in her tone, but a little laugh escapes her later.]
Good to know they're memorable, I suppose. I've never paid much attention.
[ The eagerness makes her as affectionate as it does horny.
Yeah? I think about 'em all the time.
[ She's accustomed to this aspect of Aloy: pathetically unaware of the power she held. How one person could be so ignorant the ripples they created in others, she'd never know. It's not like anyone hid that they had the hots for her. ]
I think about a lot more than that, actually. Hard to think about much else with everything you do for me, Aloy.
All the time? [A breathless little laugh follows this.] Pervert.
[It's said with undisguised fondness — a toddler and another baby on the way, and she still got like this. Sappy, despite Zero's protests.]
I better make up for lost time when I get back, then. [A brief delay, and then she admits:] It always makes me restless when you can't come with me on these trips. Not waking up next to you, not being able to touch you when I want to...
Well who the hell else's tits am I supposed to look at?
[ It's a testament to her own domestication that there's the smallest smile on her face. ]
Who's the pervert now?
[ there's an instinct in her that wants to say this deprivation would become a more regular experience if they had another child. But there's time for that still, so for now she indulges herself and Aloy. ]
You are touchy feely in the morning, not that I'm complaining - your hand between my legs.. it's not a bad alarm clock.
Oh boo-hoo. I'm the one the one with the short end of the stick. When you get back you can use that genius brain of yours and make me something that can do all that touching.
[ Years later Zero is still flippant and lazy. ]
Huh, guess you really do want it.
[ it's an observation not a judgement. Zero guessed this about Aloy, it was a natural part of the many things that fed into her affection for her. ]
[It's rare that they have this discussion, at least in such a direct way. But Zero's directness was one of the things that Aloy loved about her, and so she takes the hit, letting a silence hang that seemed more thoughtful than angry.
She always felt guilty when this came up. The frequent calls, the gifts, the requests for pictures and updates, a doting that leaned sometimes into excessive... all of this was a way to keep Zero and Alana from forgetting her. So that her absence would not breed contempt and bitterness. But it was a way to mitigate her own discomfort too.
She breaks the silence and says, softly:] I know.
[She looks around this opulent room, the four poster bed. Under her feet, she can still hear the raucous celebration, Erend's booming laughter. She rubs absently at the old scar on her throat, little more than blanched skin and a bad memory now.]
I...
There's still so much to do. There's peace now, collaboration — but it's tenuous, Zero. It's fragile. Everything could go wrong so quickly.
[ on the other end of the line zero sighs, the toils of her own day and her own paranoia about the future (smaller in scale) is really as exhausting. ]
I know. And that's fine.
[ And Zero never begrudged this sense of sacrifice. She finds herself to be inadequate in every way when it comes to Aloy- but there is one thing she is secretly sure of: no one understood Aloy's sense of sacrifice more than Zero. And no one else ever would.
But their senses of self-sacrifice were at odds once children had come into the picture. With Alana it had been tolerable. One child was three times as easy as two, after all.
And even that had come with its own strife. That year in Meridian had hurt Aloy deeply, but it brought some clarity to Zero. In that year she'd grown, healed from things that had nothing to do with Aloy. She'd been able to be a good mother. She can't promise that would be the case if another child was brought into the picture. ]
But you can't have your cake and eat it too. I don't know if you really don't know this.. or if it's something you just forget- it only gets harder when they can remember shit and have opinions.
[She hadn't forgotten Meridian either. For the first time she had felt a pain unlike any other heartache she'd experienced. The absence of the two of them for good had felt like a terrifying possibility. For the first time, she had felt a kernel of resentment at GAIA and Elisabet both take root in her heart.
And then she'd remembered that Elisabet had wanted her own children, lamented their absence, and felt ashamed at her bitterness.]
[ This discussion would be easier if she didn't feel pathetic heartache over the turmoil she knew Aloy felt. The last decade had turned her into something sensitive and embarrassing. Ugh. ]
"Trying" is fine with the way things are now. We can still follow you. When you're here Alana doesn't have to share you.
[ and getting this part out feels bitter and sharp. It's painful to admit: ]
If we do this.. you need to be around all the time for a long time. That's my line. If we do this, you can't cross it. You can think about it.
[She's grateful for the lack of video so that Zero doesn't see the anxious ripple of emotion across her face, or notice the dip of her shoulders. A burst of sound from below makes her jump, her whole body going tense and still, and then the sound is followed by laughter and music again.]
Yeah.
[She wants to apologize and decides to hold her tongue. She's had a long time to learn that these platitudes do nothing to soothe Zero. She worries about the day that it won't be good enough for Alana either.]
I'll give it some thought.
[It's quiet, all the buoyancy from earlier gone.
Hekkaro had mentioned a point of concern to her during the meeting earlier. Murmurs, he'd assured her, nothing more — of a group of Quen in unfamiliar regalia who had been spotted near the Lowlands. But it was his land, and his people. He would handle it thusly, he reassured her.
But what if he didn't? Or couldn't? These thoughts and others — problems, discoveries, danger — they were a constant to her. It was like a light that could not be snuffed out.]
[ She feels conflicted- knowing she needs to make this point for the sake of their whole family (it still feels strange calling it that, never did she think she would have one), but still guilty for delivering an ultimatum in the middle of 'phone sex' as the denizens of this world once would call it.
Vanasha told her once that she babied Aloy. Zero hadn't said anything in response. ]
.. miss when we were just talking about your tits.
[In this conversation, silence feels oppressive. She feels guilty for being the source of it, or at least thinking she is, and is about to break it when Zero beats her to it.
There's a little snort, too tired-sounding to be a laugh but at least a sign that the comment has broken the frost that had crawled over their discussion.]
Yeah. Me too. [...] I know this is difficult for you too. I'm not - I know it's necessary.
[To say that she wasn't upset would be a lie. She decides to go with what she knew was the truth instead.]
[ It's said with a tone of finality but without any aggression or ill will. The weariness is there, compounded by the last few weeks of morning sickness and single parenting. If not for the Nora she's unsure if she'd be able to do any of this at all.
She doesn't tell Aloy that - she's already made her point. ]
You get worked up when you can't fix something right away. Just do what you need to for now. The two of us will be here when you get home.
[ It's been a decade of companionship now, not all of it romantic. They're still young, and sometimes she marvels at this stretch of time that still seems so long (because for most of her life even imagining the next year was impossible).
Despite everything it's a comfort to know someone so well, and be known in return. ]
... Right. We don't have to keep talking about it.
[It's said patiently, and without bitterness. There's a twinge of awkward shame even with this — that she had been the cause of this ultimatum, hadn't considered all of the unpleasant parts of parenting having been shielded from it. It's a grievous oversight, and mentally she turns the mistake over and examines it, magnifies it. It's a trait she shares with Beta, and perhaps one they shared with Elisabet. Hard to say.
She wants to ask if she's been a bad mother, if this constant splitting of her attention had affected Alana in a more tangible way than she knew. But it wasn't fair to Zero to ask for her reassurance. She's already being burdensome.
She keeps the question to herself, where it nestles like a burr beneath her skin.] So... ah.
[She chews at her bottom lip.] What do you want to talk about?
[ Suddenly, Aloy is 20 years younger- a nervous child, afraid of being on the outs with someone again. She wonders if anyone else has ever seen her this way or if Aloy herself even knows what she becomes when she's faced with this fear. ]
Look, it's late and we've both been up all day.. we should probably go to bed.
[ It would sound dismissive if not for the shuffling on the other end of the Focus.
Another call, but this time with visuals.
Zero pulls at familiar blankets and shifts pillows. Like an animal nesting for the night, she settles after a counterintuitive ritual that somehow makes way for her comfort. It was a nightly occurrence, one that Aloy always made sure to observe with curious amusement. ]
[It does initially sound like a dismissal, and Aloy near-winces at it, preparing herself for the hours of attempting to sleep while her mind raced. But then Zero softens the blow, and Aloy watches this bizarre little ritual with fondness.
It reminded her, like always, of a fox curling up in its den for the winter. And a little bit like Diana — how the machine dog would wind in looping circles before finally settling down to rest. Not that Aloy would say either of these things.]
Alright. [She says, sounding more like herself, sounding warmer.] I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sleep well.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[It's insincere griping, because she had enjoyed it. Already she brightens at the request (demand).]
You've got it, boss.
I can't drink? Not even one?
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Well I wouldn't want to tire you out, maybe I should figure out some other way to handle it.
If I can't you can't
it's half YOUR fault I can't
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[Despite her playful half-threat of drinking, she'd made a beeline to her quarters (too ostentatious and big for one person, but she'd long since stopped arguing with Avad about it) to fulfill Zero's demand.]
If I'm remembering right... YOU asked me very specifically to give the device that extra detail. We could go without the toy altogether, if that's what you're saying.
[The picture, when it does come, is without bells and whistles — just Aloy lounged back on a fancy bed sans her armor and tunic, a bright and out-of-place shape in the low, warm oil lamplight. She's been traveling often lately and has a leaner look from weeks of being on the road, but otherwise is no worse for wear.]
You know I'm not good at posing.
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I'm just sayin own up to your jizz I also didn't ask
Just said it would've been hot if Alana happened that way :/
[ and to Aloy's self deprecation and the picture she sends: ]
I'm going to suck you dry.
You're going to look ten years older when I'm done with you.
[ classic zero, a come on and a threat all in one go.
She disappears for some time after. It is in part putting Alana to bed.
But the other thing that takes up her time comes in the way of a video an hour and a half later.
Zero is dressed only in the loose slip she wears to bed, shiny white silk, the sorts of pajamas usually only worn by Carja nobles. The straps are pulled down, breasts spilling over top. In the time Aloy has been gone it's become easier to recognize the signs of their little discovery- her breasts are larger, full, her face is rounder too.
There's a full view of her hand working between her thighs, a raw image of the act contrasting her otherwise coquettish look. She finishes with a shudder and quiet, melodic sigh. ]
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[a delay follows Zero's mingled threat and promise. In the privacy of her room, she rubs at her forehead, allowing her embarrassment and excitement both to pass over her before she deems herself able to respond.]
make a baby.
[She always feels like she can never quite keep up with Zero's brazenness, but Zero seemed not to mind either, so... as always, she tries her best.]
Is that a threat or a promise?
Can barely wait either way - are you trying to drive me crazy?
The video is a surprise, and she watches it twice before she can manage to respond, this time through audio. Her voice is a little hoarse, unsteady.]
I thought I was supposed to be giving you a gift, not the other way around.
You're beautiful. I wish I was the one touching you right now — wouldn't stop until you begged me to.
Tell me what you were thinking of. [She has an idea, but:] I want to hear you say it.
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The compliment draws another flutter of her stomach. ]
That's your third strike. Sap. But if you won't stop until I want you to.. you're gonna be going for a long time. Sure you can keep up?
[ Aloy has come a long way from the early days of their intimacy. Zero grins silently, but her voice is measured, quiet and seductive. ]
I was thinking about you, Aloy.
[ a pause. ]
And your tits.
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[Her breath catches at Zero's rare use of her name and the low note of suggestion in her tone, but a little laugh escapes her later.]
Good to know they're memorable, I suppose. I've never paid much attention.
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Yeah? I think about 'em all the time.
[ She's accustomed to this aspect of Aloy: pathetically unaware of the power she held. How one person could be so ignorant the ripples they created in others, she'd never know. It's not like anyone hid that they had the hots for her. ]
I think about a lot more than that, actually. Hard to think about much else with everything you do for me, Aloy.
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[It's said with undisguised fondness — a toddler and another baby on the way, and she still got like this. Sappy, despite Zero's protests.]
I better make up for lost time when I get back, then. [A brief delay, and then she admits:] It always makes me restless when you can't come with me on these trips. Not waking up next to you, not being able to touch you when I want to...
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[ It's a testament to her own domestication that there's the smallest smile on her face. ]
Who's the pervert now?
[ there's an instinct in her that wants to say this deprivation would become a more regular experience if they had another child. But there's time for that still, so for now she indulges herself and Aloy. ]
You are touchy feely in the morning, not that I'm complaining - your hand between my legs.. it's not a bad alarm clock.
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There's a lilt to her voice that suggests she's holding back a grin.]
I reached over for you without thinking this morning. Didn't take long to remember - this bed's so... [a huff.] plush. Strange.
Next time, before you're too far along, you should come. Alana too. We can make it a trip.
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[ Years later Zero is still flippant and lazy. ]
Huh, guess you really do want it.
[ it's an observation not a judgement. Zero guessed this about Aloy, it was a natural part of the many things that fed into her affection for her. ]
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And I do. [...] I mean... I think it'll be nice. I can be around more often this time. I missed a lot with Alana.
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[ For the first time she sounds irritated. It's that whole pet peeve about people repeating themselves. The phrase in particular also hits a nerve.
But she feels bad almost immediately. ]
Hormones. Sorry.
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She always felt guilty when this came up. The frequent calls, the gifts, the requests for pictures and updates, a doting that leaned sometimes into excessive... all of this was a way to keep Zero and Alana from forgetting her. So that her absence would not breed contempt and bitterness. But it was a way to mitigate her own discomfort too.
She breaks the silence and says, softly:] I know.
[She looks around this opulent room, the four poster bed. Under her feet, she can still hear the raucous celebration, Erend's booming laughter. She rubs absently at the old scar on her throat, little more than blanched skin and a bad memory now.]
I...
There's still so much to do. There's peace now, collaboration — but it's tenuous, Zero. It's fragile. Everything could go wrong so quickly.
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I know. And that's fine.
[ And Zero never begrudged this sense of sacrifice. She finds herself to be inadequate in every way when it comes to Aloy- but there is one thing she is secretly sure of: no one understood Aloy's sense of sacrifice more than Zero. And no one else ever would.
But their senses of self-sacrifice were at odds once children had come into the picture. With Alana it had been tolerable. One child was three times as easy as two, after all.
And even that had come with its own strife. That year in Meridian had hurt Aloy deeply, but it brought some clarity to Zero. In that year she'd grown, healed from things that had nothing to do with Aloy. She'd been able to be a good mother. She can't promise that would be the case if another child was brought into the picture. ]
But you can't have your cake and eat it too. I don't know if you really don't know this.. or if it's something you just forget- it only gets harder when they can remember shit and have opinions.
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[She hadn't forgotten Meridian either. For the first time she had felt a pain unlike any other heartache she'd experienced. The absence of the two of them for good had felt like a terrifying possibility. For the first time, she had felt a kernel of resentment at GAIA and Elisabet both take root in her heart.
And then she'd remembered that Elisabet had wanted her own children, lamented their absence, and felt ashamed at her bitterness.]
I'm — I'm trying. To let go of the reins.
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"Trying" is fine with the way things are now. We can still follow you. When you're here Alana doesn't have to share you.
[ and getting this part out feels bitter and sharp. It's painful to admit: ]
If we do this.. you need to be around all the time for a long time. That's my line. If we do this, you can't cross it. You can think about it.
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Yeah.
[She wants to apologize and decides to hold her tongue. She's had a long time to learn that these platitudes do nothing to soothe Zero. She worries about the day that it won't be good enough for Alana either.]
I'll give it some thought.
[It's quiet, all the buoyancy from earlier gone.
Hekkaro had mentioned a point of concern to her during the meeting earlier. Murmurs, he'd assured her, nothing more — of a group of Quen in unfamiliar regalia who had been spotted near the Lowlands. But it was his land, and his people. He would handle it thusly, he reassured her.
But what if he didn't? Or couldn't? These thoughts and others — problems, discoveries, danger — they were a constant to her. It was like a light that could not be snuffed out.]
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Vanasha told her once that she babied Aloy. Zero hadn't said anything in response. ]
.. miss when we were just talking about your tits.
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There's a little snort, too tired-sounding to be a laugh but at least a sign that the comment has broken the frost that had crawled over their discussion.]
Yeah. Me too. [...] I know this is difficult for you too. I'm not - I know it's necessary.
[To say that she wasn't upset would be a lie. She decides to go with what she knew was the truth instead.]
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[ It's said with a tone of finality but without any aggression or ill will. The weariness is there, compounded by the last few weeks of morning sickness and single parenting. If not for the Nora she's unsure if she'd be able to do any of this at all.
She doesn't tell Aloy that - she's already made her point. ]
You get worked up when you can't fix something right away. Just do what you need to for now. The two of us will be here when you get home.
[ It's been a decade of companionship now, not all of it romantic. They're still young, and sometimes she marvels at this stretch of time that still seems so long (because for most of her life even imagining the next year was impossible).
Despite everything it's a comfort to know someone so well, and be known in return. ]
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[It's said patiently, and without bitterness. There's a twinge of awkward shame even with this — that she had been the cause of this ultimatum, hadn't considered all of the unpleasant parts of parenting having been shielded from it. It's a grievous oversight, and mentally she turns the mistake over and examines it, magnifies it. It's a trait she shares with Beta, and perhaps one they shared with Elisabet. Hard to say.
She wants to ask if she's been a bad mother, if this constant splitting of her attention had affected Alana in a more tangible way than she knew. But it wasn't fair to Zero to ask for her reassurance. She's already being burdensome.
She keeps the question to herself, where it nestles like a burr beneath her skin.] So... ah.
[She chews at her bottom lip.] What do you want to talk about?
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Look, it's late and we've both been up all day.. we should probably go to bed.
[ It would sound dismissive if not for the shuffling on the other end of the Focus.
Another call, but this time with visuals.
Zero pulls at familiar blankets and shifts pillows. Like an animal nesting for the night, she settles after a counterintuitive ritual that somehow makes way for her comfort. It was a nightly occurrence, one that Aloy always made sure to observe with curious amusement. ]
Don't keep me up too long.
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It reminded her, like always, of a fox curling up in its den for the winter. And a little bit like Diana — how the machine dog would wind in looping circles before finally settling down to rest. Not that Aloy would say either of these things.]
Alright. [She says, sounding more like herself, sounding warmer.] I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sleep well.
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