[An eyebrow raise at this.] Is that what Vanasha said? Very funny.
[Her mild annoyance is quickly buried, though. She tilts her head at Zero's comment, keeping her attention on massaging her feet.] Do you want to talk about it now?
[It's a question asked neutrally, absent of any of Aloy's earlier unease.]
[ Zero says nothing at first. She's preparing herself- she's learned to think before she speaks, and think before she goes into a potentially tense conversation.
The blow out fights and avoidance weren't fair to Alana. So she'd learned to better herself before their child was old enough to realize how much emotional dysfunction both her mothers held in their hearts.
Finally, Zero stands. It's sudden, so much so she doesn't even think to tell Aloy to let go and instead pulls herself out of her grasp.
Then goes her robe, and soon after what remains of her garments.
She steps into the water and then submerges herself, just for a moment. ]
You go first.
[ she pulls her hair back. Wet like this it clings to her, smooth and shiny even despite her sick state. ]
[Zero abruptly slips out of her grasp and she feels herself tense, nerves quickly replacing the sleepy feeling the bath had brought on. But Zero isn't leaving, only undressing, and she breathes out in a sigh.]
Me first? [...] Alright, [she rubs at her chin] pros and cons.
[She's apparently been thinking about this.] It's more responsibility, more time... more danger. For you, for them. [Her gaze dims.] The technology and techniques Beta, GAIA and I came up with to keep you and Alana alive the last time are still new... new for this world, anyway. It's hard on you.
But it worked out last time. There's more experience on board. I... [she rubs at her neck] I don't want Alana to be lonely. [The I don't want her to be like me hides in the fringes.] There's still work to be done in the world. The summit taught me that I don't have to be the only one doing it.
[ It's hard not to feel something when Aloy is being so vulnerable, so earnest. Much like Aloy, family was a concept so foreign to her. Something that she spent so long not admitting to wanting as if the wish itself would cause more pain.
It was something for other people, not for someone like her. ]
What I'm hearing is that you loveeee to dump your spunk in me.
[ Is the first thing she says after Aloy has finished dumping the contents of her heart out.
Zero begins the work of washing Aloy's hair. Her fingers work through tangles, lathering in soap made from eucalyptus - the smell is earthy, clean and sharp and always reminded her of Aloy. ]
Maybe we wouldn't be such weirdos if we'd had company.
[ In the recesses of her heart she knows she would have liked to have family, sisters even.
She tries not to think about it for very long. It makes her mourn and feel guilt. What would have happened if she'd raised the ones she did have with love? Even if it meant ending the world? ]
Having one kid is just having one kid. Having two of them under five is like having four kids. It's shitty, but when you're gone and things suck it's hard to keeping telling her that you're not picking the world over us.
[ She means Alana, of course. ]
There was a point where I felt that way too.
[ That year of separation. Quietly uncomfortable visits that they both thought might mark the end of something. ]
Oh, c'mon — eugh. [Aloy's unease is gone in a second, replaced by disgust.] That's not what I said. Gross.
[She sighs in resignation, falling into a mostly-content silence. Zero's hands against her scalp always do the job of quieting her, and she enjoys it for a moment before responding.]
Maybe. [She agrees, and can't help but think of Beta. How different it would have been for the both of them, if they had been raised together with Rost? It's a melancholy thought. She doesn't want to mull over it for long — what Zero is saying is more important than hypotheticals anyway.]
... I know. [It's an acknowledgement of both things, and she can't help but feel a guilty twinge at the reminder of that year.] I don't want either of you to feel that way again. [She glances over her shoulder at Zero, trying to avoid getting soap in her eyes.]
I'll stay. I'll... [a heavy sigh] I'll trust GAIA and the others to do the work. There are more important places for me to be.
Zero feels guilt too about bringing it up. It was a sore spot, and she found no joy in causing Aloy more grief over it.
Both of them were still learning what it meant to no longer be alone. Because loneliness came with its own brand of selfishness. It was the only way to cope with it.
But Aloy's acquiescence makes a warm feeling bloom in her chest. One that she has never felt before, one that will take a few more years to put words to.
Zero leans into Aloy, embracing her from behind and pressing her face into her back. She always hid when she got emotional. ]
[Zero's warmth against her back is a relief. She relaxes in full at last, allowing her shoulders to slacken. She takes measure of her own feelings in the wake of it: joy, excitement. How oddly freeing it was: to do something for herself and her family, this part of her that was fully her own.]
Okay. We'll do it.
[...]
You know, you never told me what you would prefer. A boy, or a girl?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Her mild annoyance is quickly buried, though. She tilts her head at Zero's comment, keeping her attention on massaging her feet.] Do you want to talk about it now?
[It's a question asked neutrally, absent of any of Aloy's earlier unease.]
no subject
The blow out fights and avoidance weren't fair to Alana. So she'd learned to better herself before their child was old enough to realize how much emotional dysfunction both her mothers held in their hearts.
Finally, Zero stands. It's sudden, so much so she doesn't even think to tell Aloy to let go and instead pulls herself out of her grasp.
Then goes her robe, and soon after what remains of her garments.
She steps into the water and then submerges herself, just for a moment. ]
You go first.
[ she pulls her hair back. Wet like this it clings to her, smooth and shiny even despite her sick state. ]
no subject
Me first? [...] Alright, [she rubs at her chin] pros and cons.
[She's apparently been thinking about this.] It's more responsibility, more time... more danger. For you, for them. [Her gaze dims.] The technology and techniques Beta, GAIA and I came up with to keep you and Alana alive the last time are still new... new for this world, anyway. It's hard on you.
But it worked out last time. There's more experience on board. I... [she rubs at her neck] I don't want Alana to be lonely. [The I don't want her to be like me hides in the fringes.] There's still work to be done in the world. The summit taught me that I don't have to be the only one doing it.
And I'd like to keep building a family with you.
no subject
It was something for other people, not for someone like her. ]
What I'm hearing is that you loveeee to dump your spunk in me.
[ Is the first thing she says after Aloy has finished dumping the contents of her heart out.
Zero begins the work of washing Aloy's hair. Her fingers work through tangles, lathering in soap made from eucalyptus - the smell is earthy, clean and sharp and always reminded her of Aloy. ]
Maybe we wouldn't be such weirdos if we'd had company.
[ In the recesses of her heart she knows she would have liked to have family, sisters even.
She tries not to think about it for very long. It makes her mourn and feel guilt. What would have happened if she'd raised the ones she did have with love? Even if it meant ending the world? ]
Having one kid is just having one kid. Having two of them under five is like having four kids. It's shitty, but when you're gone and things suck it's hard to keeping telling her that you're not picking the world over us.
[ She means Alana, of course. ]
There was a point where I felt that way too.
[ That year of separation. Quietly uncomfortable visits that they both thought might mark the end of something. ]
no subject
[She sighs in resignation, falling into a mostly-content silence. Zero's hands against her scalp always do the job of quieting her, and she enjoys it for a moment before responding.]
Maybe. [She agrees, and can't help but think of Beta. How different it would have been for the both of them, if they had been raised together with Rost? It's a melancholy thought. She doesn't want to mull over it for long — what Zero is saying is more important than hypotheticals anyway.]
... I know. [It's an acknowledgement of both things, and she can't help but feel a guilty twinge at the reminder of that year.] I don't want either of you to feel that way again. [She glances over her shoulder at Zero, trying to avoid getting soap in her eyes.]
I'll stay. I'll... [a heavy sigh] I'll trust GAIA and the others to do the work. There are more important places for me to be.
no subject
[ she mumbles sounding amused.
Zero feels guilt too about bringing it up. It was a sore spot, and she found no joy in causing Aloy more grief over it.
Both of them were still learning what it meant to no longer be alone. Because loneliness came with its own brand of selfishness. It was the only way to cope with it.
But Aloy's acquiescence makes a warm feeling bloom in her chest. One that she has never felt before, one that will take a few more years to put words to.
Zero leans into Aloy, embracing her from behind and pressing her face into her back. She always hid when she got emotional. ]
Okay. Let's do it.
no subject
Okay. We'll do it.
[...]
You know, you never told me what you would prefer. A boy, or a girl?
no subject
It's going to sound corny. But I don't really care - I just want it to be healthy. Hair like yours wouldn't be bad either.
no subject
[With some amusement, she adds:] As for another redhead... well, I guess we'll see soon enough.