[ There was a sense of foreboding the days before- growing pains, nothing either of them thought couldn't be resolved. So that's why Zero had thought very little of the fact that Aloy left before it was resolved. She'd almost made the mistake of looking away as Aloy left, attentions focused elsewhere, dismissive. And Aloy did what Zero assumed she would do the next time this happened: Aloy had sighed, marched to her side to plant a kiss on her temple before she really left.
'We'll talk about it later, okay? Pickup when I call.'
Zero'd spat 'Whatever.' but she'd at least had the sense to turn around in time to see Aloy's withering smile.
Hours, and then half a day- the others had not heard from her, and the tracking of Aloy's focus had been spotty, darting nervously around the map projected in front of her. The two of them left not very long after that but they should have left sooner. Days and days of surveying the same area, calling in favors and broadcasts from every source and acquaintance imaginable- only then did they finally find her things and no trace of Aloy.
She remembers very little of the days between that and when they'd received the distress signal from the Nora temple-the very same had birthed Aloy. Beta explained most of it to her in between struggling breathes (her face growing increasingly red), but truthfully Zero hadn't listened and didn't care. Aloy stood before them, a replica of herself age 5. Beta struggles to gulp behind her and Zero holds her breath, caught between elation (the intensity and ecstasy the same as if she'd birthed this child herself) and anguish (because she understood now- she'd lost her reason for being). The two things together net 0, and Zero swings between misery and mania in one full swoop only to end back where she was before Aloy had left them.
Zero holds Aloy's hand, and presses her prosthetic palm to Beta's cheek knowing the cool material will be a balm to her miserably warm face.
'Get a fucking grip.' ]
Got a second?
[ Zero hang's in the corner of Beta's lab, hip resting on the door frame- half in and half out.
She enters fully, and removes something from between her shawls with the utmost care. ]
I'd say I forgot I had this, but that'd be a lie. I took it, but it's yours.
[ It's Elisabet's necklace, the world on the end of a silver rope.
[She had always known something like this would happen, on some level. Statistically, the odds were insurmountable— only Aloy’s stalwart bravery, her irrepressible hope kept victory in reach. These traits inherited from their predecessor that Beta struggled to encompass, always feeling two steps behind Aloy, and with a gulf of centuries between herself and Dr. Sobeck.
But Aloy’s hope had been contagious. Her bravery too, a little bit — that steel in her spine that made her courageous enough to keep existential terror at bay. No second guessing, she'd told Beta, once, watching her struggle with a stubborn bit of GAIA's code. You know the answer; you're the smartest person I know. If you have it down, then do it.
So she had, and lo and behold, it had worked. Now the Focus network that GAIA commanded was so well-fortified, even another round of Zeniths, even Sylens, or... or Tilda, would be hard pressed to break in. Maybe she had the head for it, but without hope, without bravery, without Aloy, where would she be? Even now, she struggles with the basic tenets of humanity, these skills stripped away from her by the Zeniths.
And so of course, at the news Aloy was missing, she'd felt the first stirtings of panicked dread, had watched the map's jumpy, erratic Focus tracking with bleary eyes, trying in vain to sort out a pattern. She should've been able to get it down, to understand it. But it was impenetrable, and so when Zero decided to search, Beta, fearing the worst, had joined her. It wasn't unlike Aloy to be gone for days at a time, she tries to remember: she was always busy. Even the lack of a check-in was not a cause for alarm right away. But Beta had known. She'd read something once, in the limited archival data she'd been allowed to access. Something about twins experiencing physical distress when one had died. Physiology? Psychological? Most of the information had been anecdotal, and so she'd dismissed them outright. But in those horrible days of searching in sleepless terror for her sister, Beta had felt cold all over, even in desert heat, in cloying jungle humidity.
It had gotten worse when they'd arrived in Nora territory, and when she sees that - the clone - when the earth feels as if it's been pulled from under her, at last a wave of prickling heat hits her. She can't breathe, can hardly speak. Gone, she was gone. After all that struggle to find one another, the isolation and grief, and now it was back again. What would she do now? How could she go back to that? She'd rather die, is the thought that comes immediately. She'd sooner die than go back to that mockery of living.
Zero's cool hand on her cheek brings her back to the waking world, and she stares up at her with red-rimmed, puffy eyes. The little girl's brow is furrowed, and she asks if she's okay. Beta tries to smile. She says that she's fine.
In the year since, she's been working tirelessly, eating only when Zero physically yanks her away from a task, barely sleeping. She loses weight. Gets dark, bruised circles under her eyes. She avoids the others, and she can't stand to go near Aloy's things, hates even to see them. She avoids looking directly at the... the other clone's eyes. She sleeps on a pallet she's made at GAIA's portable console. It helps calm her to know that she's there somewhere: this final being connecting her with Aloy and Elisabet.
She's been trying to figure out how it happened. Surely the third clone didn't just pop up out of thin air. Surely she couldn't be Aloy. That was impossible; Aloy had to be somewhere. She only had to find her. This is what her mind centers on obsessively now. It's funny: it's a little how she'd felt before her escape from the Zeniths. Always half-awake, disappearing into herself, only thinking of a way out. It was easier to survive this way. Hope had proven too fragile.
She had to be pragmatic. She had to be like Elisabet.
She barely looks up at the sound of Zero's voice, but she waves her in, a quick and impatient flutter of her hand. Her Focus display is flicked away in a second, abrupt gesture. The last thing she needed was Zero asking her what she was working on. She doesn't know why that is, only knows that it would not go over well. There's a cold mug of tea at her desk, long forgotten. She pushes scrolls and documents off a nearby chair to give Zero space to sit.]
Not too busy. Is something wrong?
[She always asked that first. When Zero instead shows her the necklace, the fragile little globe that had survived the total annihilation of life on earth, say nothing of Aloy's hard living, Beta stares at it for a long time.]
... Oh. [She says, at last, her voice small. She feels it again, that horrible ache threatening to break through the gray cloud of empty apathy that she protected herself with now.] Yes, I-I suppose it is. [Another pause.] Thank you.
[Her gaze darts away from Zero's, feeling both skittish, and like she wanted to cry, which were both... not ideal. Especially not around Zero. She tries to distract herself, gingerly taking hold of the necklace, feeling its weight. It's cold under her fingertips. She wants to throw it into the nearby wall. Instead she carefully sets it to the side, next to her tea.
She had to talk about something that wasn't the globe. The idea of a discussion around the possession of these two (dead mother, dead sister) missing people is too much. So she focuses instead on data. About what? The girl, of course. The other clone. Zero adored her. It would be an ideal distraction.]
I've been running her through some of my old vocabulary and history lessons. She's um, really catching on. It's something else. I mean, it's unsurprising, given that she's genetically no different from Elisabet. [Or Aloy, or herself, which is something she never says.] She's outpacing even my projections, however. She'll be at college grade algebra and literature in no time at all.
[ Zero notices all of these things: the way Beta avoids discussing her sister whenever possible, how she cannot beare to be more than a distant professor to the child who'd taken Aloy's place on earth. The latter is a subject she doesn't broach- it's not her place, and she would be a hypocrite if she did. The former is another story. ]
So, just like you and Aloy were at that age right?
[ She leans back in her chair, gaze drifting between the necklace and long abandoned mug.
There had been several vigils, though Zero had fought tooth and nail for the right to bury what remained of her things beside Rost and then refused to allow anyone else but Beta to pay their respects in front of her real grave (though she thinks Beta would have preferred if Zero hadn't given her this privilege- she doesn't think Beta would have shown up at all if she wasn't concerned by the fact that Zero had not yet shed a tear but had come to blows over Aloy's burial place). ]
Dunno' what the fuck algebra is but I hear the kid gave you shit over it. You can't just stand there and take it, you know.. you're her older sister, she shouldn't mouth off to you.
[Beta stiffens near imperceptibly. She doesn't say anything for a time, only brings her floating diagrams back up, carefully avoiding any sensitive files.]
I couldn't say. [She finally manages, her tone neutral, stripped of emotion. Her gaze stays fixed on her Focus display.] The circumstances are different, the surrounding environment, fewer stressors... I imagine that her development might end up running along an alternate track.
And she's a child, pushback's normal. [Not her sister. Her sister was dead. She'd stared off into nothing in front of her grave, watching the light around the candles blur as Zero updated her on things. Mundane topics, primarily. Like Aloy was there and they were just having a conversation.
When her time had come to speak, she hadn't known what to say. So she didn't say anything, only asked if they could go back inside after several moments of quiet. The mountain air was cold, and the sun hurt her eyes. ] She'll adjust to the new courseload eventually. Math's always tricky at first.
[She leans back in her chair, rubs at the bridge of her nose. Her eyes close, and the sunlight peeking in from outside doesn't even bring color to her waxen face.] She's just frustrated. It's that age.
[ She wonders if Beta thinks Zero doesn't notice things, or doesn't care enough to bring them up. Neither are true— she is the last person to scold anyone about how they handled their grief. And so she mostly leaves Beta to her own devices, always sure to see her at least once a day when she happened to be home (occasionally she took the child further from home— trained her in all the things she knew Rost had taught Aloy, and that she would have taught her own child in order to be able to survive without her.
Occasionally, they had a little fun as well. Beta never came with). ]
Didn't know you were an expert in kid psychology.
[ She leans forward, hands on the table between them and closes the distance between them so that her head pokes through Beta's projections.
Up close and illuminated by the blue lights of Beta's projection her own exhaustion is finally noticeable (though she took great pains to hide it behind her makeup and flashy way of dress). The year and her duties as the child's caretaker had aged her, making her look a few years past her actual age. ]
When was the last time you bathed or took a shit? I know you eat sometimes— I hear you sneaking around at after the kids asleep.
[ Beta had managed to build them some form of refrigeration, and Zero always made sure to leave her a plate, nearly wrapped and always in the same place on the same shelf.
Sometimes she took it, sometimes she didn't— but Zero did it every night regardless.
(she is a hypocrite, because her own diet consisted of ale, Utaru snuff, and the occasional cured meat) ]
What are you even doing in here all day and all night? Is there another apocalypse I don't know about?
[There's a tired snort at that, not quite a laugh. She opens her eyes to see Zero staring at her through her floating displays, and at last manages a weary smile.] It isn't my field, no, though even I disobeyed sometimes, when there was a lesson I was disinterested in. Once-
[A moment's pause. She had almost done it. Had almost mentioned Aloy. It was a recording she'd seen of her and Aloy had told her about later, when she'd been so frustrated by a lesson of Rost's that she hid in a tree for hours, refusing to come down. The memory feels like acid over her nerves.] It doesn't matter. [she sounds defeated.] She'll endure it. And, [Embarrassment brings color to her face.] I've done both recently enough, thank you. I haven't forgotten that you're a stickler for hygiene.
[She knows it isn't fair for her to be this way, not to Zero, who had inexplicably stayed with her to support her. She looked so tired. She could have left her alone to waste away in the Base with only GAIA as company. She could've taken the other clone and gone anywhere. But still she took the effort to check in on her every day, to provide meals and occasionally harass her into stepping outside. It makes Beta feel guilty. She almost feels guilty enough to tell her what she was working on. Surely she would understand how important it was, that this world needed Aloy. That they needed her too.
Instead the lie comes so smoothly, automatically. Few people knew that she was capable of this: the shutting down, cutting sentiment away. This had been a necessary routine among her so-called benefactors. And this was for Zero's own good, she reasons. When she finds Aloy, she can surprise her with it. They could be happy again. ] No apocalypse, thank goodness. GAIA can keep track of most of the planet's upkeep herself, but I'm helping fill in some of the map. Finding Cauldrons, keeping the Focus network secure, you know. Stuff. Continuing GAIA's heuristic development prepares her for any potential threat or unforseen change in the biosphere. Seeing this technology firsthand is good for me, too. It um, it keeps me busy. And I've been working on a few creature comforts. I think I can build you a heated bath soon.
[ Beta's levity (although brief) makes Zero relax some as well. She pulls back now that she has Beta's attention and a sign that she would not succumb to any sort of breakdown today.
Zero sits again, resting her elbows on the table. She whistles, low and appreciative. ]
Now that would be something. The kid always bitches about baths when it's cold out.
[ in true maternal form how much such a thing would benefit her is almost dismissed.
Zero attended to the girls every need. She turned six not long ago, and was as rambunctious as she was smart- and the usual tantrums aside the two of them got along swimmingly. They ate together, bathed together, and were separated only by sleep or the child's studies.
Zero is quiet again, and she looks away briefly (eyes shifting slowly around the room until she finds Beta again). ]
Hey— I need a favor. I'm going to take a break.
[ These sorts of requests weren't unusual. Usually it was for a few hours or a day, but this time— ]
For a week this time. You can put a tracker on me whatever'll make you feel good. I just need it, you need to watch her— there's no one else who can do it.
[As always, the request fills her with a certain amount of dread, but the length Zero mentions makes her look up, unable to hide her immediate panic.]
A week? That long? [She was being selfish, she knows. She needed to rein it in. ] I... I can try, but I, [her mouth thins: she rubs anxiously at her arms in an attempt to soothe herself. ] you're so much better with her than I am.
[It's admitted in a quiet rush. To say the real reason, that it made her so uncomfortable to be alone with the other clone that she could barely stand it, would go over like a lead balloon.
And her work... Aloy. Say nothing of Zero being gone for so long. The thought of it makes the whole room feel smaller. What would she do if she disappeared too? What would either of them do? She couldn't take care of a child. She could barely take care of herself.
She stands up, starts to pace, flicking the displays away in front of her rapid-fire, in anxious and jerky gestures. Eventually she seems to deflate, her back turned to Zero. She's still hugging her arms close to her. Making herself smaller. She's quiet for a long time, thinking.
Aloy would do it. She might grouse, or dislike it. Even so, she'd do it.]
... Okay. Okay. I'll figure it out. [She looks over her shoulder, brow furrowed and expression worried.] A week. Are you... is everything alright? Are you not feeling well?
[ She feels selfish asking— not only for burdening Beta (they've never discussed how she felt about the other clone, but Zero knew; Aloy had known as much as she needed to about the Intoners, Zero's sisters, but Beta knew more. Zero thought she'd have a chance to share more with Aloy when she was ready..) but the child as well. Children could not understand why they were unwanted but they knew when they were. For this reason (and others) Zero never pushed the two of them to spend more time together than necessary. ]
Hah, what a fucking question.
[ She snorts, derisive. ]
The answer to that is no, but that's been the case for awhile— long before I ever met you or your sister.
[ Zero speaks like it's in inconsequential, and to her it kind of is. Nothing would change the hand they were dealt and nothing would change the fact that Aloy had left them. ]
If I'm going to be there for her all the time, then this is what I need— that's all. I'll blow off some steam, kill something, get laid and then when I come back I can go back to being.. what the fuck was her name? That one shitty movie you showed me.. Marry Poppins!
[Of corse Beta knows the fantastical and terrible nature of Zero's own history with her sisters. Beta had listened in amazement, in fear and sympathy, and at the end she'd taken Zero's hands into her own and held them.
So part of her understands it — this need to escape her own head for a while. Didn't Beta do the same, in her own way, when she pored over information, looking for scraps of data that connected to Aloy? Zero's bluntness makes her flush, but it makes her laugh a little too for the first time in a long time, covering her mouth to hide it. ]
You got it. [She looks down at her feet and takes a deep breath.]
Okay. I'll do my best. Please be careful, and... may I call while you're gone? Just to check in. I won't bother you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
'We'll talk about it later, okay? Pickup when I call.'
Zero'd spat 'Whatever.' but she'd at least had the sense to turn around in time to see Aloy's withering smile.
Hours, and then half a day- the others had not heard from her, and the tracking of Aloy's focus had been spotty, darting nervously around the map projected in front of her. The two of them left not very long after that but they should have left sooner. Days and days of surveying the same area, calling in favors and broadcasts from every source and acquaintance imaginable- only then did they finally find her things and no trace of Aloy.
She remembers very little of the days between that and when they'd received the distress signal from the Nora temple-the very same had birthed Aloy. Beta explained most of it to her in between struggling breathes (her face growing increasingly red), but truthfully Zero hadn't listened and didn't care. Aloy stood before them, a replica of herself age 5. Beta struggles to gulp behind her and Zero holds her breath, caught between elation (the intensity and ecstasy the same as if she'd birthed this child herself) and anguish (because she understood now- she'd lost her reason for being). The two things together net 0, and Zero swings between misery and mania in one full swoop only to end back where she was before Aloy had left them.
Zero holds Aloy's hand, and presses her prosthetic palm to Beta's cheek knowing the cool material will be a balm to her miserably warm face.
'Get a fucking grip.' ]
Got a second?
[ Zero hang's in the corner of Beta's lab, hip resting on the door frame- half in and half out.
She enters fully, and removes something from between her shawls with the utmost care. ]
I'd say I forgot I had this, but that'd be a lie. I took it, but it's yours.
[ It's Elisabet's necklace, the world on the end of a silver rope.
It has been a year now. ]
no subject
But Aloy’s hope had been contagious. Her bravery too, a little bit — that steel in her spine that made her courageous enough to keep existential terror at bay. No second guessing, she'd told Beta, once, watching her struggle with a stubborn bit of GAIA's code. You know the answer; you're the smartest person I know. If you have it down, then do it.
So she had, and lo and behold, it had worked. Now the Focus network that GAIA commanded was so well-fortified, even another round of Zeniths, even Sylens, or... or Tilda, would be hard pressed to break in. Maybe she had the head for it, but without hope, without bravery, without Aloy, where would she be? Even now, she struggles with the basic tenets of humanity, these skills stripped away from her by the Zeniths.
And so of course, at the news Aloy was missing, she'd felt the first stirtings of panicked dread, had watched the map's jumpy, erratic Focus tracking with bleary eyes, trying in vain to sort out a pattern. She should've been able to get it down, to understand it. But it was impenetrable, and so when Zero decided to search, Beta, fearing the worst, had joined her. It wasn't unlike Aloy to be gone for days at a time, she tries to remember: she was always busy. Even the lack of a check-in was not a cause for alarm right away. But Beta had known. She'd read something once, in the limited archival data she'd been allowed to access. Something about twins experiencing physical distress when one had died. Physiology? Psychological? Most of the information had been anecdotal, and so she'd dismissed them outright. But in those horrible days of searching in sleepless terror for her sister, Beta had felt cold all over, even in desert heat, in cloying jungle humidity.
It had gotten worse when they'd arrived in Nora territory, and when she sees that - the clone - when the earth feels as if it's been pulled from under her, at last a wave of prickling heat hits her. She can't breathe, can hardly speak. Gone, she was gone. After all that struggle to find one another, the isolation and grief, and now it was back again. What would she do now? How could she go back to that? She'd rather die, is the thought that comes immediately. She'd sooner die than go back to that mockery of living.
Zero's cool hand on her cheek brings her back to the waking world, and she stares up at her with red-rimmed, puffy eyes. The little girl's brow is furrowed, and she asks if she's okay. Beta tries to smile. She says that she's fine.
In the year since, she's been working tirelessly, eating only when Zero physically yanks her away from a task, barely sleeping. She loses weight. Gets dark, bruised circles under her eyes. She avoids the others, and she can't stand to go near Aloy's things, hates even to see them. She avoids looking directly at the... the other clone's eyes. She sleeps on a pallet she's made at GAIA's portable console. It helps calm her to know that she's there somewhere: this final being connecting her with Aloy and Elisabet.
She's been trying to figure out how it happened. Surely the third clone didn't just pop up out of thin air. Surely she couldn't be Aloy. That was impossible; Aloy had to be somewhere. She only had to find her. This is what her mind centers on obsessively now. It's funny: it's a little how she'd felt before her escape from the Zeniths. Always half-awake, disappearing into herself, only thinking of a way out. It was easier to survive this way. Hope had proven too fragile.
She had to be pragmatic. She had to be like Elisabet.
She barely looks up at the sound of Zero's voice, but she waves her in, a quick and impatient flutter of her hand. Her Focus display is flicked away in a second, abrupt gesture. The last thing she needed was Zero asking her what she was working on. She doesn't know why that is, only knows that it would not go over well. There's a cold mug of tea at her desk, long forgotten. She pushes scrolls and documents off a nearby chair to give Zero space to sit.]
Not too busy. Is something wrong?
[She always asked that first. When Zero instead shows her the necklace, the fragile little globe that had survived the total annihilation of life on earth, say nothing of Aloy's hard living, Beta stares at it for a long time.]
... Oh. [She says, at last, her voice small. She feels it again, that horrible ache threatening to break through the gray cloud of empty apathy that she protected herself with now.] Yes, I-I suppose it is. [Another pause.] Thank you.
[Her gaze darts away from Zero's, feeling both skittish, and like she wanted to cry, which were both... not ideal. Especially not around Zero. She tries to distract herself, gingerly taking hold of the necklace, feeling its weight. It's cold under her fingertips. She wants to throw it into the nearby wall. Instead she carefully sets it to the side, next to her tea.
She had to talk about something that wasn't the globe. The idea of a discussion around the possession of these two (dead mother, dead sister) missing people is too much. So she focuses instead on data. About what? The girl, of course. The other clone. Zero adored her. It would be an ideal distraction.]
I've been running her through some of my old vocabulary and history lessons. She's um, really catching on. It's something else. I mean, it's unsurprising, given that she's genetically no different from Elisabet. [Or Aloy, or herself, which is something she never says.] She's outpacing even my projections, however. She'll be at college grade algebra and literature in no time at all.
no subject
So, just like you and Aloy were at that age right?
[ She leans back in her chair, gaze drifting between the necklace and long abandoned mug.
There had been several vigils, though Zero had fought tooth and nail for the right to bury what remained of her things beside Rost and then refused to allow anyone else but Beta to pay their respects in front of her real grave (though she thinks Beta would have preferred if Zero hadn't given her this privilege- she doesn't think Beta would have shown up at all if she wasn't concerned by the fact that Zero had not yet shed a tear but had come to blows over Aloy's burial place). ]
Dunno' what the fuck algebra is but I hear the kid gave you shit over it. You can't just stand there and take it, you know.. you're her older sister, she shouldn't mouth off to you.
no subject
I couldn't say. [She finally manages, her tone neutral, stripped of emotion. Her gaze stays fixed on her Focus display.] The circumstances are different, the surrounding environment, fewer stressors... I imagine that her development might end up running along an alternate track.
And she's a child, pushback's normal. [Not her sister. Her sister was dead. She'd stared off into nothing in front of her grave, watching the light around the candles blur as Zero updated her on things. Mundane topics, primarily. Like Aloy was there and they were just having a conversation.
When her time had come to speak, she hadn't known what to say. So she didn't say anything, only asked if they could go back inside after several moments of quiet. The mountain air was cold, and the sun hurt her eyes. ] She'll adjust to the new courseload eventually. Math's always tricky at first.
[She leans back in her chair, rubs at the bridge of her nose. Her eyes close, and the sunlight peeking in from outside doesn't even bring color to her waxen face.] She's just frustrated. It's that age.
no subject
Occasionally, they had a little fun as well. Beta never came with). ]
Didn't know you were an expert in kid psychology.
[ She leans forward, hands on the table between them and closes the distance between them so that her head pokes through Beta's projections.
Up close and illuminated by the blue lights of Beta's projection her own exhaustion is finally noticeable (though she took great pains to hide it behind her makeup and flashy way of dress). The year and her duties as the child's caretaker had aged her, making her look a few years past her actual age. ]
When was the last time you bathed or took a shit? I know you eat sometimes— I hear you sneaking around at after the kids asleep.
[ Beta had managed to build them some form of refrigeration, and Zero always made sure to leave her a plate, nearly wrapped and always in the same place on the same shelf.
Sometimes she took it, sometimes she didn't— but Zero did it every night regardless.
(she is a hypocrite, because her own diet consisted of ale, Utaru snuff, and the occasional cured meat) ]
What are you even doing in here all day and all night? Is there another apocalypse I don't know about?
no subject
[A moment's pause. She had almost done it. Had almost mentioned Aloy. It was a recording she'd seen of her and Aloy had told her about later, when she'd been so frustrated by a lesson of Rost's that she hid in a tree for hours, refusing to come down. The memory feels like acid over her nerves.] It doesn't matter. [she sounds defeated.] She'll endure it. And, [Embarrassment brings color to her face.] I've done both recently enough, thank you. I haven't forgotten that you're a stickler for hygiene.
[She knows it isn't fair for her to be this way, not to Zero, who had inexplicably stayed with her to support her. She looked so tired. She could have left her alone to waste away in the Base with only GAIA as company. She could've taken the other clone and gone anywhere. But still she took the effort to check in on her every day, to provide meals and occasionally harass her into stepping outside. It makes Beta feel guilty. She almost feels guilty enough to tell her what she was working on. Surely she would understand how important it was, that this world needed Aloy. That they needed her too.
Instead the lie comes so smoothly, automatically. Few people knew that she was capable of this: the shutting down, cutting sentiment away. This had been a necessary routine among her so-called benefactors. And this was for Zero's own good, she reasons. When she finds Aloy, she can surprise her with it. They could be happy again. ] No apocalypse, thank goodness. GAIA can keep track of most of the planet's upkeep herself, but I'm helping fill in some of the map. Finding Cauldrons, keeping the Focus network secure, you know. Stuff. Continuing GAIA's heuristic development prepares her for any potential threat or unforseen change in the biosphere. Seeing this technology firsthand is good for me, too. It um, it keeps me busy. And I've been working on a few creature comforts. I think I can build you a heated bath soon.
no subject
Zero sits again, resting her elbows on the table. She whistles, low and appreciative. ]
Now that would be something. The kid always bitches about baths when it's cold out.
[ in true maternal form how much such a thing would benefit her is almost dismissed.
Zero attended to the girls every need. She turned six not long ago, and was as rambunctious as she was smart- and the usual tantrums aside the two of them got along swimmingly. They ate together, bathed together, and were separated only by sleep or the child's studies.
Zero is quiet again, and she looks away briefly (eyes shifting slowly around the room until she finds Beta again). ]
Hey— I need a favor. I'm going to take a break.
[ These sorts of requests weren't unusual. Usually it was for a few hours or a day, but this time— ]
For a week this time. You can put a tracker on me whatever'll make you feel good. I just need it, you need to watch her— there's no one else who can do it.
no subject
A week? That long? [She was being selfish, she knows. She needed to rein it in. ] I... I can try, but I, [her mouth thins: she rubs anxiously at her arms in an attempt to soothe herself. ] you're so much better with her than I am.
[It's admitted in a quiet rush. To say the real reason, that it made her so uncomfortable to be alone with the other clone that she could barely stand it, would go over like a lead balloon.
And her work... Aloy. Say nothing of Zero being gone for so long. The thought of it makes the whole room feel smaller. What would she do if she disappeared too? What would either of them do? She couldn't take care of a child. She could barely take care of herself.
She stands up, starts to pace, flicking the displays away in front of her rapid-fire, in anxious and jerky gestures. Eventually she seems to deflate, her back turned to Zero. She's still hugging her arms close to her. Making herself smaller. She's quiet for a long time, thinking.
Aloy would do it. She might grouse, or dislike it. Even so, she'd do it.]
... Okay. Okay. I'll figure it out. [She looks over her shoulder, brow furrowed and expression worried.] A week. Are you... is everything alright? Are you not feeling well?
no subject
Hah, what a fucking question.
[ She snorts, derisive. ]
The answer to that is no, but that's been the case for awhile— long before I ever met you or your sister.
[ Zero speaks like it's in inconsequential, and to her it kind of is. Nothing would change the hand they were dealt and nothing would change the fact that Aloy had left them. ]
If I'm going to be there for her all the time, then this is what I need— that's all. I'll blow off some steam, kill something, get laid and then when I come back I can go back to being.. what the fuck was her name? That one shitty movie you showed me.. Marry Poppins!
[ she snaps in satisfaction at the realization. ]
Her.
no subject
So part of her understands it — this need to escape her own head for a while. Didn't Beta do the same, in her own way, when she pored over information, looking for scraps of data that connected to Aloy? Zero's bluntness makes her flush, but it makes her laugh a little too for the first time in a long time, covering her mouth to hide it. ]
You got it. [She looks down at her feet and takes a deep breath.]
Okay. I'll do my best. Please be careful, and... may I call while you're gone? Just to check in. I won't bother you.