[As always, the request fills her with a certain amount of dread, but the length Zero mentions makes her look up, unable to hide her immediate panic.]
A week? That long? [She was being selfish, she knows. She needed to rein it in. ] I... I can try, but I, [her mouth thins: she rubs anxiously at her arms in an attempt to soothe herself. ] you're so much better with her than I am.
[It's admitted in a quiet rush. To say the real reason, that it made her so uncomfortable to be alone with the other clone that she could barely stand it, would go over like a lead balloon.
And her work... Aloy. Say nothing of Zero being gone for so long. The thought of it makes the whole room feel smaller. What would she do if she disappeared too? What would either of them do? She couldn't take care of a child. She could barely take care of herself.
She stands up, starts to pace, flicking the displays away in front of her rapid-fire, in anxious and jerky gestures. Eventually she seems to deflate, her back turned to Zero. She's still hugging her arms close to her. Making herself smaller. She's quiet for a long time, thinking.
Aloy would do it. She might grouse, or dislike it. Even so, she'd do it.]
... Okay. Okay. I'll figure it out. [She looks over her shoulder, brow furrowed and expression worried.] A week. Are you... is everything alright? Are you not feeling well?
[ She feels selfish asking— not only for burdening Beta (they've never discussed how she felt about the other clone, but Zero knew; Aloy had known as much as she needed to about the Intoners, Zero's sisters, but Beta knew more. Zero thought she'd have a chance to share more with Aloy when she was ready..) but the child as well. Children could not understand why they were unwanted but they knew when they were. For this reason (and others) Zero never pushed the two of them to spend more time together than necessary. ]
Hah, what a fucking question.
[ She snorts, derisive. ]
The answer to that is no, but that's been the case for awhile— long before I ever met you or your sister.
[ Zero speaks like it's in inconsequential, and to her it kind of is. Nothing would change the hand they were dealt and nothing would change the fact that Aloy had left them. ]
If I'm going to be there for her all the time, then this is what I need— that's all. I'll blow off some steam, kill something, get laid and then when I come back I can go back to being.. what the fuck was her name? That one shitty movie you showed me.. Marry Poppins!
[Of corse Beta knows the fantastical and terrible nature of Zero's own history with her sisters. Beta had listened in amazement, in fear and sympathy, and at the end she'd taken Zero's hands into her own and held them.
So part of her understands it — this need to escape her own head for a while. Didn't Beta do the same, in her own way, when she pored over information, looking for scraps of data that connected to Aloy? Zero's bluntness makes her flush, but it makes her laugh a little too for the first time in a long time, covering her mouth to hide it. ]
You got it. [She looks down at her feet and takes a deep breath.]
Okay. I'll do my best. Please be careful, and... may I call while you're gone? Just to check in. I won't bother you.
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no subject
A week? That long? [She was being selfish, she knows. She needed to rein it in. ] I... I can try, but I, [her mouth thins: she rubs anxiously at her arms in an attempt to soothe herself. ] you're so much better with her than I am.
[It's admitted in a quiet rush. To say the real reason, that it made her so uncomfortable to be alone with the other clone that she could barely stand it, would go over like a lead balloon.
And her work... Aloy. Say nothing of Zero being gone for so long. The thought of it makes the whole room feel smaller. What would she do if she disappeared too? What would either of them do? She couldn't take care of a child. She could barely take care of herself.
She stands up, starts to pace, flicking the displays away in front of her rapid-fire, in anxious and jerky gestures. Eventually she seems to deflate, her back turned to Zero. She's still hugging her arms close to her. Making herself smaller. She's quiet for a long time, thinking.
Aloy would do it. She might grouse, or dislike it. Even so, she'd do it.]
... Okay. Okay. I'll figure it out. [She looks over her shoulder, brow furrowed and expression worried.] A week. Are you... is everything alright? Are you not feeling well?
no subject
Hah, what a fucking question.
[ She snorts, derisive. ]
The answer to that is no, but that's been the case for awhile— long before I ever met you or your sister.
[ Zero speaks like it's in inconsequential, and to her it kind of is. Nothing would change the hand they were dealt and nothing would change the fact that Aloy had left them. ]
If I'm going to be there for her all the time, then this is what I need— that's all. I'll blow off some steam, kill something, get laid and then when I come back I can go back to being.. what the fuck was her name? That one shitty movie you showed me.. Marry Poppins!
[ she snaps in satisfaction at the realization. ]
Her.
no subject
So part of her understands it — this need to escape her own head for a while. Didn't Beta do the same, in her own way, when she pored over information, looking for scraps of data that connected to Aloy? Zero's bluntness makes her flush, but it makes her laugh a little too for the first time in a long time, covering her mouth to hide it. ]
You got it. [She looks down at her feet and takes a deep breath.]
Okay. I'll do my best. Please be careful, and... may I call while you're gone? Just to check in. I won't bother you.