[ Zero laughs, a rare treat: summoned in part by Aloy's efforts and by the sheer level of exhaustion she feels. ]
Not your sister, stupid. I'm talking about your kid.
[ All the while she reaches for Aloy's dirty hand. Zero smacks it away from Aloy's mouth and grasps her hand gently but firmly.
She's thorough and methodical in how she cleans each finger with the fabric of her robe. There is some affection, desire to care of her in the gesture— but there's also a part of her clearly saying 'You're so gross'. ]
I mean, she can hear when we talk to her and she could definitely feel all of that.
[Aloy makes a face, even as the sound of Zero's laughter makes her smile a moment later. ] And... I didn't think about that either. Great. Our kid'll have a complex before she's even born. That's familiar. [She wiggles her captured fingers at Zero, in part because she knows that she thinks it's gross.]
She can hear us, hm? What do you tell her, when I'm not around?
[ Zero snorts, gaze turned up toward the cross-crossed beam ceilings. Her hands fall away and she traces the shape of her belly with her fingers. ]
That part was inevitable. She's your kid after all.
[ the unspoken but acknowledged way Zero fed into Aloy's lack of maternal relationships hangs around like an errant cloud on a sunny day, inconsequential but very clearly present. ]
I complain about you, mostly. Sometimes I complain about her. But usually I just tell her what I see and what I feel. Sometimes she talks back.
[ unconsciously, she rests her palms where she was prone to getting kicked. ]
You weren't here earlier but Beta said it'll probably just be a few more weeks. Maybe less but—
[ She makes her voice nasally, a poor Beta impression. ]
So I'm the one taking the fall for said issues? [Aloy tucks her arms behind her head, studying Zero out of the corner of her eye.] That's a rough deal.
[It's said without any heat. Zero saying that she's complained about makes her snort, unsurprised, though a moment later she places a gentle hand on Zero’s belly.]
Terrible impression. [It's said with a smile. ]... Not much longer, then. I'll stick close to home. I don't want to miss anything.
As long as your sisters around you could be on the other side of the mountain, for all the fucks I give.
[ It is Zero's way of breaking the intimacy of the moment, that classic ratio two parts crude to one part mean.
She doesn't like to think about the after and imminent very much. There will be the horrors of child birth, the pain they will have to inflict on their child in the name of Zero's cure— even then it's not promised she'll live, and Zero still isn't sure which end result she prefers.
But the way they are is nice. It feels like a bandaid on top of a leaky wound. Zero gets the joy and praise of nurturing something innocent and precious, and she gets to wake up every day feeling absolved of something now that something else needs her. They nest and play house, make love (ew) like the newly weds they never will be.
The resolution to more than a few things is closing in, it feels demented to think of a birth that way and she feels resigned to the fact that she will be a terrible mother. ]
Hey.
[ She sits up, facing away so she can climb off of the bed. ]
Have you thought about what would happen if she can't make it through whatever it is you're going to do to her?
I'm going to help. [She protests, feeling a little bruised by the comment despite being accustomed to Zero's moods — an old response to being compared to Beta.] She's been teaching me.
[The air seems to shift in the wake of Zero's question, though. Aloy props herself on one elbow, frowning a little at Zero's back and the old scars and welts there.]
I've thought about it. [It's said quietly and uneasily, the sleepy warmth running through her dissapating in an instant.] Beta, GAIA and I have planned for contingencies. Nothing is foolproof, of course, but... we've made everything as airtight as we possibly can, and the chances of any danger have been reduced as much as possible. I'm taking it seriously, Zero. I don't want anything to happen to her either.
[ She knows she's being cruel (she's been getting better about that) but in this case she feels justified— feels no remorse, and seems it necessary if she is to be an active participant in all of this.
Aloy offers the best and only answer Zero knows she can in this situation.
She stands, pulling the robe around her but not bothering to tie it closed. Zero stands in front of Aloy and lifts her head with her hands, gentle despite their conversation. ]
If it comes down to it you're going to pick her over me, alright? That's the deal.
[ She hopes their child looks like Aloy, or at least has her eyes— she realizes this now. Shallow as she may be Zero's gaze never lingers in the mirror for too long, in fear that she might see One staring back. ]
Seen and done a lot of shit.. I'm at the end of my rope. I couldn't live any meaningful life after something like that, and I wouldn't let you stop me from making that choice.
[It's a discussion they've had before, though not so blunt as this. Regardless, each time Aloy feels the dread in her chest tighten punishingly —a fist crushing her heart, worse than any physical blow. As always though, she nods, her expression somber. When she sighs, it comes with the dip of her shoulders.
She wonders what was worse: the losses themselves, or becoming so accustomed to them that they became like what roots were to a tree, inexorably connected to her. She imagines the hole that would be left behind in Zero's absence, and wonders if the Nora had been right all those years ago, that she was a cursed thing. Rost, Zero, and a child who might not survive.]
Yeah. Yeah. I know. That's the deal. [She keeps her eyes on Zero’s, wanting it to be clear that she was being truthful.] Look, I was thinking...
[A pause. She looks around, and something else enters her gaze, a sort of resolution.] When everything is done, if- when it works out, we could stay here a little longer. Beta's finding her way in the tribe. I think she's found her calling, doing this. Helping you, of course, but the rest of tribe and the midwives too. And... before Rost died, he told me that he wanted me to find a place here. I don't know about forever, but the Sacred Lands are a good place to have a child, especially now.
I know... I know that it's hard for you to think of a future where it might work out. But I swear that I'll do everything that I can to make that happen. For you, for our child. Maybe you don't think that you deserve it, but I do.
[ She knows she struck a blow, and as twisted as she knows it is- she feels satisfied. Zero relaxes, less thorny now (it's difficult to know if this is because of her pregnancy or in spite of). ]
Are you done?
[ Still a little thorny. ]
You think I'd wanna' raise a baby in a weird cave? Our kid doesn't have to be a freak just because we are.
[ Her merciful Zero way of saying it was a good and thoughtful idea. Their child would have friends, family and a place they could always come back to even when the two of them were gone. ]
Still.. never thought I'd see the day.
[ She wipes a dot of sweat off of Aloy's face with her thumb, hands moving instinctively to wordlessly fuss over her- fixing her hair, smoothing her collar. ]
All the shit I said about them still stands, but I'm glad they grew on you.
[ Because she could not bear the thought of entrusting their child to people Aloy despised, and because she doesn't think Aloy ever stopped longing for this affection. ]
[The tension seems abated, for now, for all that Zero still seemed cranky. By now, Aloy's accustomed to it, and recognizes this particular variant of surliness as her default state, and is relieved that her offer hadn't been denied outright. She sighs in relief, flashing Zero a crooked smile.]
I never thought I would, either. [For a little while she's quiet, letting Zero fuss over her, then she takes gentle hold of her hands.] It's thanks in part to you, you know. I'm glad that they grew on you too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Not your sister, stupid. I'm talking about your kid.
[ All the while she reaches for Aloy's dirty hand. Zero smacks it away from Aloy's mouth and grasps her hand gently but firmly.
She's thorough and methodical in how she cleans each finger with the fabric of her robe. There is some affection, desire to care of her in the gesture— but there's also a part of her clearly saying 'You're so gross'. ]
I mean, she can hear when we talk to her and she could definitely feel all of that.
no subject
She can hear us, hm? What do you tell her, when I'm not around?
no subject
That part was inevitable. She's your kid after all.
[ the unspoken but acknowledged way Zero fed into Aloy's lack of maternal relationships hangs around like an errant cloud on a sunny day, inconsequential but very clearly present. ]
I complain about you, mostly. Sometimes I complain about her. But usually I just tell her what I see and what I feel. Sometimes she talks back.
[ unconsciously, she rests her palms where she was prone to getting kicked. ]
You weren't here earlier but Beta said it'll probably just be a few more weeks. Maybe less but—
[ She makes her voice nasally, a poor Beta impression. ]
— Ideally, a few more weeks.
no subject
[It's said without any heat. Zero saying that she's complained about makes her snort, unsurprised, though a moment later she places a gentle hand on Zero’s belly.]
Terrible impression. [It's said with a smile. ]... Not much longer, then. I'll stick close to home. I don't want to miss anything.
no subject
[ It is Zero's way of breaking the intimacy of the moment, that classic ratio two parts crude to one part mean.
She doesn't like to think about the after and imminent very much. There will be the horrors of child birth, the pain they will have to inflict on their child in the name of Zero's cure— even then it's not promised she'll live, and Zero still isn't sure which end result she prefers.
But the way they are is nice. It feels like a bandaid on top of a leaky wound. Zero gets the joy and praise of nurturing something innocent and precious, and she gets to wake up every day feeling absolved of something now that something else needs her. They nest and play house, make love (ew) like the newly weds they never will be.
The resolution to more than a few things is closing in, it feels demented to think of a birth that way and she feels resigned to the fact that she will be a terrible mother. ]
Hey.
[ She sits up, facing away so she can climb off of the bed. ]
Have you thought about what would happen if she can't make it through whatever it is you're going to do to her?
no subject
[The air seems to shift in the wake of Zero's question, though. Aloy props herself on one elbow, frowning a little at Zero's back and the old scars and welts there.]
I've thought about it. [It's said quietly and uneasily, the sleepy warmth running through her dissapating in an instant.] Beta, GAIA and I have planned for contingencies. Nothing is foolproof, of course, but... we've made everything as airtight as we possibly can, and the chances of any danger have been reduced as much as possible. I'm taking it seriously, Zero. I don't want anything to happen to her either.
no subject
Aloy offers the best and only answer Zero knows she can in this situation.
She stands, pulling the robe around her but not bothering to tie it closed. Zero stands in front of Aloy and lifts her head with her hands, gentle despite their conversation. ]
If it comes down to it you're going to pick her over me, alright? That's the deal.
[ She hopes their child looks like Aloy, or at least has her eyes— she realizes this now. Shallow as she may be Zero's gaze never lingers in the mirror for too long, in fear that she might see One staring back. ]
Seen and done a lot of shit.. I'm at the end of my rope. I couldn't live any meaningful life after something like that, and I wouldn't let you stop me from making that choice.
no subject
She wonders what was worse: the losses themselves, or becoming so accustomed to them that they became like what roots were to a tree, inexorably connected to her. She imagines the hole that would be left behind in Zero's absence, and wonders if the Nora had been right all those years ago, that she was a cursed thing. Rost, Zero, and a child who might not survive.]
Yeah. Yeah. I know. That's the deal. [She keeps her eyes on Zero’s, wanting it to be clear that she was being truthful.] Look, I was thinking...
[A pause. She looks around, and something else enters her gaze, a sort of resolution.] When everything is done, if- when it works out, we could stay here a little longer. Beta's finding her way in the tribe. I think she's found her calling, doing this. Helping you, of course, but the rest of tribe and the midwives too. And... before Rost died, he told me that he wanted me to find a place here. I don't know about forever, but the Sacred Lands are a good place to have a child, especially now.
I know... I know that it's hard for you to think of a future where it might work out. But I swear that I'll do everything that I can to make that happen. For you, for our child. Maybe you don't think that you deserve it, but I do.
no subject
Are you done?
[ Still a little thorny. ]
You think I'd wanna' raise a baby in a weird cave? Our kid doesn't have to be a freak just because we are.
[ Her merciful Zero way of saying it was a good and thoughtful idea. Their child would have friends, family and a place they could always come back to even when the two of them were gone. ]
Still.. never thought I'd see the day.
[ She wipes a dot of sweat off of Aloy's face with her thumb, hands moving instinctively to wordlessly fuss over her- fixing her hair, smoothing her collar. ]
All the shit I said about them still stands, but I'm glad they grew on you.
[ Because she could not bear the thought of entrusting their child to people Aloy despised, and because she doesn't think Aloy ever stopped longing for this affection. ]
no subject
I never thought I would, either. [For a little while she's quiet, letting Zero fuss over her, then she takes gentle hold of her hands.] It's thanks in part to you, you know. I'm glad that they grew on you too.