eh, it’s not that hard. you’re real easy to track down, if you don’t mind my saying you oughta be careful! 😰 i just found you so i could give you this back and apologize!! and easy, easy! i need those… violence ain’t the answer! i’m tryin to do the right thing over here
[ Despite fast and furious messages from earlier she's a bit slower this time to respond. ]
are you stupid why would you take something and then try to give it back stupid i don't believe this chivalrous clown shit for a second what did you even take there's nothing in the wallet just throw it away
[ Because honestly she keeps like no track of her own finances, she owes the IRS thousands probably. ]
[He frowns at the response, more puzzled than offended.] cuz it’s not mine? what’s the point of keeping it… damn, you’re a real hardass! i was joking with you! everything’s still in there. i promise! just let me give it back! i don’t like stealing from women even when they stab me you really wanna pay for another driver’s license? you should think about being a donor, by the way! i know a guy who got a kidney transplant that way. wild huh?
Edited (stupid ass smart quotes what’s smart about them!) 2021-07-23 22:40 (UTC)
Second of all why the FUCK di dyou take it if you were going to give it back that just pisses me off even more you get off to wasting people's time shithead???????
[he figured she was nuts, cause what kind of person just goes around stabbing people? especially people as good-looking and charming as him? but he doesn’t get all of this yelling, man. he’s trying to do a good deed! get his karma right!]
’cuz it was spur of the moment, that’s why! my life was in danger, so i cut my losses and got outta there! you ever had someone stab you for no reason?? it’s scary! then i started to think about it… and i felt kinda bad, yeah? i kept thinking, “man, what if she needs this, or she has a family to feed or something?” it really bugged me so i decided to find you and give it back!
What? You gonna tell on me for driving without a license? Fucking narc. I didn't stab you for no reason stupid I got paid to stab you Looks like you finally pissed off the wrong bitch I didn't want the details but she gave them to me anyway She talks a lot That why you two timed her?
i can put up with a lot of insults, but i’m not a narc! hey wait what the someone PAID you to stab me??? who?
[he tries to think of a woman who he’s dated who talks a lot, and his brain does that thing Google does when it tells you it has millions of responses]
doesn’t ring a bell what’s she look like? kinda an overreaction… most girls just key my car or throw a drink in my face ☹️ things really have changed oh well at least i got to meet you! can i give you back your wallet yet?
Sounds like something a narc would say oh so you're that type huh? figures men think if they can grow a nice head of hair they can get away with anything but I guess it's better than being ugly and thinking you can get away with everything anyway just throw it away I don't want it and I'm not supposed to be talking to you client confidentiality and all
c’mon, i’m not a narc! i got a code of ethics! “that type?” whoa! youve got the wrong idea about me! i told you we started off all wrong not like i was married to whoever this is never knocked anyone up either and my hair is pretty nice, huh? thanks! 😘 whatever i did, i guarantee it’s not enough to hire some hot lady to kill me! i’m not THAT bad, geez… i gotta stop picking up girls who don’t blink when you talk to em… you think i woulda learned my lesson the first couple of times! anyway youre already breakin confidentiality by talking to me, right? at least let me treat you to coffee or something, for going thru all the trouble of stabbing me and losing your wallet swear i’ll leave you alone after that!
[ Her irritation grows by the second, she's typing out a real ugly response to all of this.
But then she has a light bulb moment and deletes it all ]
You're persistent huh Guess your ex probably mistook that for you actually giving a fuck That's on her tho for being dumb as bricks Anyway sure, why not But you'll have to pick me up Since I don't have my license and all
[hm… he sort of feels like this sudden turnaround is a lead-in to another stabbing.
but #yolo or whatever]
hey, i care! just not as much as she did, i guess whoever this is… ill pick you up! heyyyy you arent gonna stab me again are you? not trying to pull a fast one right? haha just making sure 😅 almost needed stitches the last time!
Wow I guess chivalry really is dead if a girl can't mooch off a guy for transportation anymore without him getting suspicious I'm not gonna stab you stupid, there's nothing in it for me Have you seen rent prices? I'm not working for free Your ex paid for (1) knifing she's not getting any more than that Also you're paying for my coffee and whatever girly pastry I decide to get
you threatened to cut off my balls… i’m protecting my assets!
[which ex??? god. he’s wracking his brain]
could i get a hint what color was her hair, or
you know what nevermind 🤷♂️ i’m considering it settled i figure she’ll show up again cuz you didnt manage to kill me anyway 😅 yeah yeah it’s my treat! im not gonna ask you to coffee and not pay i’m not that kinda guy!
wow you really are just some kind of prince in shining armor i can see why that last chick went berserk for you anyway here's my address meet you in 30 bye
[ The address she gives him is not a residential one. He'll pull up to a well groomed park with not very many people around.
Rose stands at the corner of the curb, a large garbage bag at her feet, phone in one hand and donning her usual perpetually sour and bored expression. When his car pulls up she doesn't even look, just moves to the back and hits his rear windshield. ]
Open up, I'm not sitting up front with this.
[ One way or another the trunk is opened up and Rose throws the bag in the back with little care for its contents. When she finally makes her way up to the front she looks a little disheveled from the process of hoisting the bag into the car.
[Zidane stares at the message for a while, brow furrowed. Weird, he thinks, abrupt! He folds to flattery pretty easily, but he's run a good scam in his day, and he knows when he's being scammed.
This woman probably had an arrest record a mile long, he thinks. But she was hot, and so...
He heads to the address she gave him. It doesn't match the one on the driver's license she'd purported not to need, and so he is unsurprised when he slows to a stop in front of a park. It's a nice park at least, not shady, and he waves to her brightly, either ignorant of or deliberately not paying attention to the look on her face. The knock on the rear windshield makes him jump a little though, and he cranes his head around to look at what she's carrying, even as he pops the trunk for her. Nondescript, suspicious garbage bag, and it's got some heft to it, with the awkward way she's lugging it... his brow knits in confusion and something about his gaze sharpens into something more alert. He isn't really worried, but his whole personality aside, he's no dummy.
Her demand when she gets in the car, as a result, is met with a half-hearted shrug.] Whew, hello to you too!
[He doesn't glance over his shoulder again. Instead he opens his glove compartment, and hands her the wallet — still intact and undisturbed, as he had promised.] See? Told ya. I kept it safe and sound!
[A beat of silence follows this, then he asks, casual:] What was in that bag? It looked pretty heavy. I coulda hopped out and helped you with it!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
you oughta be careful! 😰 i just found you so i could give you this back
and apologize!!
and easy, easy! i need those… violence ain’t the answer!
i’m tryin to do the right thing over here
no subject
are you stupid
why would you take something and then try to give it back
stupid
i don't believe this chivalrous clown shit for a second
what did you even take
there's nothing in the wallet just throw it away
[ Because honestly she keeps like no track of her own finances, she owes the IRS thousands probably. ]
no subject
cuz it’s not mine?
what’s the point of keeping it…
damn, you’re a real hardass! i was joking with you! everything’s still in there. i promise!
just let me give it back! i don’t like stealing from women even when they stab me
you really wanna pay for another driver’s license? you should think about being a donor, by the way! i know a guy who got a kidney transplant that way. wild huh?
no subject
[ Yes??? You do?? ]
Second of all why the FUCK di dyou take it if you were going to give it back
that just pisses me off even more
you get off to wasting people's time shithead???????
no subject
YEAH you need a license to drive!
[he figured she was nuts, cause what kind of person just goes around stabbing people? especially people as good-looking and charming as him? but he doesn’t get all of this yelling, man. he’s trying to do a good deed! get his karma right!]
’cuz it was spur of the moment, that’s why! my life was in danger, so i cut my losses and got outta there! you ever had someone stab you for no reason?? it’s scary!
then i started to think about it…
and i felt kinda bad, yeah? i kept thinking, “man, what if she needs this, or she has a family to feed or something?”
it really bugged me
so i decided to find you and give it back!
no subject
I didn't stab you for no reason stupid
I got paid to stab you
Looks like you finally pissed off the wrong bitch
I didn't want the details but she gave them to me anyway
She talks a lot
That why you two timed her?
no subject
i can put up with a lot of insults, but i’m not a narc!
hey wait what the
someone PAID you to stab me???
who?
[he tries to think of a woman who he’s dated who talks a lot, and his brain does that thing Google does when it tells you it has millions of responses]
doesn’t ring a bell
what’s she look like?
kinda an overreaction…
most girls just key my car or throw a drink in my face ☹️ things really have changed
oh well
at least i got to meet you!
can i give you back your wallet yet?
no subject
oh so you're that type huh?
figures
men think if they can grow a nice head of hair they can get away with anything
but I guess it's better than being ugly and thinking you can get away with everything
anyway just throw it away I don't want it and I'm not supposed to be talking to you
client confidentiality and all
[ Nevermind that she's already broken that rule ]
no subject
“that type?” whoa! youve got the wrong idea about me! i told you we started off all wrong
not like i was married to whoever this is
never knocked anyone up either
and my hair is pretty nice, huh? thanks! 😘
whatever i did, i guarantee it’s not enough to hire some hot lady to kill me! i’m not THAT bad, geez…
i gotta stop picking up girls who don’t blink when you talk to em… you think i woulda learned my lesson the first couple of times!
anyway
youre already breakin confidentiality by talking to me, right?
at least let me treat you to coffee or something, for going thru all the trouble of stabbing me and losing your wallet
swear i’ll leave you alone after that!
no subject
But then she has a light bulb moment and deletes it all ]
You're persistent huh
Guess your ex probably mistook that for you actually giving a fuck
That's on her tho for being dumb as bricks
Anyway sure, why not
But you'll have to pick me up
Since I don't have my license and all
no subject
but #yolo or whatever]
hey, i care!
just not as much as she did, i guess
whoever this is…
ill pick you up!
heyyyy you arent gonna stab me again are you? not trying to pull a fast one right? haha
just making sure 😅
almost needed stitches the last time!
no subject
I'm not gonna stab you stupid, there's nothing in it for me
Have you seen rent prices? I'm not working for free
Your ex paid for (1) knifing she's not getting any more than that
Also you're paying for my coffee and whatever girly pastry I decide to get
no subject
i’m protecting my assets!
[which ex??? god. he’s wracking his brain]
could i get a hint
what color was her hair, or
you know what nevermind 🤷♂️ i’m considering it settled
i figure she’ll show up again cuz you didnt manage to kill me anyway 😅
yeah yeah it’s my treat!
im not gonna ask you to coffee and not pay
i’m not that kinda guy!
no subject
i can see why that last chick went berserk for you
anyway here's my address meet you in 30
bye
[ The address she gives him is not a residential one. He'll pull up to a well groomed park with not very many people around.
Rose stands at the corner of the curb, a large garbage bag at her feet, phone in one hand and donning her usual perpetually sour and bored expression. When his car pulls up she doesn't even look, just moves to the back and hits his rear windshield. ]
Open up, I'm not sitting up front with this.
[ One way or another the trunk is opened up and Rose throws the bag in the back with little care for its contents. When she finally makes her way up to the front she looks a little disheveled from the process of hoisting the bag into the car.
Her expression however, still remains flat. ]
Where's my wallet you freak?
[ That serves as her version of 'Hello'. ]
no subject
This woman probably had an arrest record a mile long, he thinks. But she was hot, and so...
He heads to the address she gave him. It doesn't match the one on the driver's license she'd purported not to need, and so he is unsurprised when he slows to a stop in front of a park. It's a nice park at least, not shady, and he waves to her brightly, either ignorant of or deliberately not paying attention to the look on her face. The knock on the rear windshield makes him jump a little though, and he cranes his head around to look at what she's carrying, even as he pops the trunk for her. Nondescript, suspicious garbage bag, and it's got some heft to it, with the awkward way she's lugging it... his brow knits in confusion and something about his gaze sharpens into something more alert. He isn't really worried, but his whole personality aside, he's no dummy.
Her demand when she gets in the car, as a result, is met with a half-hearted shrug.] Whew, hello to you too!
[He doesn't glance over his shoulder again. Instead he opens his glove compartment, and hands her the wallet — still intact and undisturbed, as he had promised.] See? Told ya. I kept it safe and sound!
[A beat of silence follows this, then he asks, casual:] What was in that bag? It looked pretty heavy. I coulda hopped out and helped you with it!